Derek Zoolander isn't smart, but he looks "really, really good." An empty-headed yet kindhearted male model, the self-absorbed Derek becomes an unwitting pawn in a international assassination plot masterminded by oddball fashion dictator Jacobim Mugatu. Meanwhile, the clueless cover guy must also contend with a new rival, a blonde hipster named Hansel (He's so hot right now). Quoting along to this masterpiece has been one of the highlights of my life, and it's the real reason I'm glad I went to a school for Kids Who Can't Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too because reading along with these subtitles is better than having the essence of wetness. (Henri Mazza)