It’s festival time.
After buying weekend passes, tipping your pedicabber, and budgeting for food (and any sort of extracurricular activities you might want to participate in), you only have a few bucks to spare. Alas, a good music fest just isn’t the same without drinks in hand. But with premium drink prices at most festivals, sometimes one must take extreme measures in the name of having a good time.
Not that we would ever do such a thing, or that we’re advocating you take advantage of these practices, but we have heard these are a few ways to smuggle booze into a music festival. If, you know, you were going to do such a thing. You didn’t hear it from us. Understand?
*Do512 does not condone sneaking booze into a music festival.
LAST UPDATED: September 2019
10 WAYS TO SMUGGLE BOOZE INTO A FESTIVAL
The Baby Flask:
The mere combination of the words "baby" and "flask" should warrant the attention of Child Protective Services, but they don't hang out at music festivals to our knowledge. The Baby Flask gets the first mention on this list because of how strange/borderline genius it is. It's a fake baby with a straw coming out of its head that you drink booze from. What a time to be alive.
Re-sealed Water Bottles:
While there is a rather short list of allowed items, the imaginative festival goer will see an endless list of possibilities. One such item is “sealed water bottles.” With the right tool, this can be code for “bottles of sweet, sweet hooch.” Simply buy a sealed water bottle, empty the water (well drink the water, let’s not be wasteful) and fill with your clear liquor of choice. To re-seal the bottle you can DIY it with a pair of pliers, screwdriver, knife and a pot of boiling water. For those less handy you can also purchase reusable sealed caps on Amazon.
The Beer Belly Flask:
We know you're a champ at chugging Lone Stars. We also know that the dreaded beer belly will eventually make its appearance. So why not embrace it and actually experience life with a beer belly? And not just any beer belly...a beer belly that holds up to 80 ounces of any beverage, hides well under clothing, and is easy to clean.
Speakeasy Briefs:
This is just about perfect. It's a pair of men's boxer briefs with a secret stash pocket. They offer a style that says, “you should see me in my underwear,” while providing a pocket that says, “it’s none of your business what’s in my underwear.” Now you don't have to put the cold stuff next to your man parts.
The BeerBelly and The WineRack:
Yes, these items exist and yes, their creators are probably lounging somewhere in St. Tropez as we speak. The BeerBelly fits snugly under any T-shirt and can hold up to 80 oz. of your libation of choice. The WineRack can hold up to 25 oz. of liquid, has a straw which you can slip up through your shirt, and can support you in many different ways.
Photo Credit: @Mendestwolf
In Your Hair:
This is a play on the old-fashioned hiding a joint in your hair trick. Depending on the length and fullness of your hair you can either buy sealable cigar tubes and fill with liquor (think of it as tube shots) or purchase mini bottles of liquor. Then, simply roll your hair around the bottles and fold into a bun. Make sure to do plenty of pinnage to secure the bottles or use a large clip. An alternative is to fold the cigar tubes into a sock bun then apply the sock bun regularly. Once you are free from security let the hair down and go wild.
Smuggle in Tons of Mini Bottles:
These suckers come in all shapes and sizes and can be taped to the inside of most any part of the body. In the bra, in the elastics of the underwear line (not guaranteed if they are patting you down), in your socks, basically anywhere you can fit one. Make sure to load yourself up so even if security finds a couple you still have a whole bar smuggled in.
Photo Credit: Amazon
The Camera Flask:
Alright, we know, who needs a camera when you have one on your phone? We totally understand. But what we don't understand is spending an entire check on watered down drinks. So, get over yourself and your iPhone, and throw it back to 2009 with the camera flask. Trust us: you'll get your buzz AND you'll look interesting. Isn't that what everybody strives for at music festivals anyways?
The Bottle of Suntan Lotion Flask:
Taking care of your skin is important, and so is avoiding overpriced drinks. Classy Wino's suntan lotion flasks allow you to take your favorite booze to outdoor concerts, sporting events, and more. All with the discreet, harmless look of an important part of skincare routines.
The Tampon Flask:
Let’s be real. No one wants to inspect your tampon. That means your tampon shot holder will likely never be questioned by security. Just don’t bring a whole bag full of these things, because that will certainly raise a red flag. Get it? A red flag. Aaand we're done.
Know of more booze-smuggling tricks?
Let them be known!
